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Has Left 4 Dead lost its touch?
Valve has announced they will release a new campaign for Left 4 Dead in September. But a lot of us aren't happy. Some have suggested it's just a bone thrown to the folks upset that Left 4 Dead 2 is a whole other title instead of added content for the core game. Some are irked that it's just a small timed campaign you have to finish in less that thirty minutes. Xbox L4Ders might not be happy that they have to pay for it while PC L4Ders get it for free. But none of those things bothers me.
After the jump, find out why I'm not happy about the new Left 4 Dead campaign.
When you bought Left 4 Dead, you got four campaigns: Death Toll, Blood Harvest, Dead Air, and No Mercy. Each one comes with a nifty loading screen in the form of a movie poster, complete with a pithy tag line. Like so:
The name of each level is generally a pun. For instance, the phase "dead air" means silence over a broadcast (because of a zombie apocalypse?), but the pun is that the level is an airport infested with the undead. Death Toll is my favorite because the significance of the title is a reveal. At first, it just sounds like you're going to have to pay a toll to death. Grim enough. There's probably even a bridge or something along the way. But later in the map, you come across someone holed up in a church. Not only does he refuse to let you in, he rings the bells to summon the zombies so you'll get killed. It's the titular death toll!
Blood Harvest doesn't really mean anything, but it's a farm and there's gore. Good enough, I suppose. It's not going to win the Booker prize, but it'll do. No Mercy is the weakest of the bunch, since it's a riff on the name of the hospital you're playing in. It turns out there is, in fact, Mercy. But the tagline takes up the slack for the grossly inaccurate title. "Curing the infection...one bullet at a time" is deliciously cheesy. Although the best tag line is Dead Air's: "Their flight just got delayed...permanently". Beautiful!
So what does Valve have in store for us next? What's the name of this campaign we'll get in September?
Crash Course.
Uh, okay, let's look at this. Maybe the helicopter on the poster crashed at the site of a short training session? Hmm. that doesn't really work. A short training session is a terrible idea for a zombie level. Actually, I presume the name has to do with the campaign's time limit. You have to complete it in under thirty minutes. Hence, Crash Course. Get it? You have to play it quickly and it starts at a crashed helicopter. It's a bit of a stretch, and it's missing the crucial reference to zombies, gore, or death. I'm not happy, Valve. Not one little bit.
So let's go to the tag line. Maybe it'll take up the slack like it did for No Mercy. "Crashing will be the easiest thing they do today." Okay, the idea is that killing zombies is difficult, particularly in Left 4 Dead where the zombies come with a complement of tanks, witches, hunters, and whatnot.
But when you think about it, crashing isn't really that hard. In fact, when it comes to flying a helicopter, I suspect crashing is easier than actually flying. I have no flight training whatsoever, and I guarantee I can crash a helicopter without breaking a sweat or even looking up anything in the manual. So if crashing will be the easiest thing they do today, that really says nothing whatsoever about the rest of their day. That's like me saying breathing is the easiest thing I do today. It leaves far too much descriptive leeway for the rest of my day.
This is really weak, Valve. Until you come up with better names for your campaigns, I'm going to go sign my name to whatever Valve boycott I can find.
By Andreas at 5:32 AM ON 08/05/09
yeah! screw them! what the hell is Chet Faliszek thinking these days?
By Jason at 7:20 AM ON 08/05/09
Perhaps the "Course" refers to a golf course and at the end you have to defend the Caddyshack until help arrives...
By Neuromancer at 10:00 AM ON 08/05/09
Clearly "Blood Harvest" refers to the fact that the zombies are going to be trying to harvest your blood. Everyone knows nothing goes better with fresh brain pate than a glass of warm claret.
By falconboy08 at 11:02 AM ON 08/05/09
The only reason you do not like this campaign is because of the name? You say Valve is weak, I think your reasoning is weak. Although it may be a bad title, I don't think it is any reason to believe it is going to be bad. But maybe I am digging too deep here.
By arst at 11:07 AM ON 08/05/09
falconboy:
fa⋅ce⋅tious [fuh-see-shuhs]
1. not meant to be taken seriously or literally: a facetious remark.
2. amusing; humorous.
3. lacking serious intent; concerned with something nonessential, amusing, or frivolous: a facetious person.
By Neuromancer at 11:57 AM ON 08/05/09
Arst, my favorite part is how he actually agreed with Tom that the name was bad.
By Pogue Mahone at 12:19 PM ON 08/05/09
That's funny Tom -- I never picked up on the double meaning of 'Death Toll' referring to the zombie ringing the bell that calls the undead horde down on you at the climax.
By PillowPenguinz at 12:42 PM ON 08/05/09
I have to assume you are joking
Actually let me rephrase that: I cant bring myself to think for a second that you aren't joking, its just not possible that you are serious, so on that note I have to say I enjoyed this article.
I won't insult your intelligence by asking if this was a joke (although if I am wrong and you were serious I might just kill myself). I really like that more people in the media are taking a stance against L4D2/Valve protesters and their nonsense complaints, although I haven't seen anyone truly mock them like this article did and I really like it, although I wouldn't be surprised if I saw them take this stance as well, seeing as they look for ANYTHING to hate about valve and L4D nowadays.
By MattG at 12:53 PM ON 08/05/09
"Course" has a lot of alternate meanings that you haven't considered, Tom.
By Pogue Mahone at 12:54 PM ON 08/05/09
No, I'm not joking. I totally didn't pick up on the triple meaning of 'Death Toll.'
By obonicus at 1:46 PM ON 08/05/09
@PillowPenguinz
Tom Chick never jokes; I'd like to tell you otherwise to prevent your suicide, but it's the sad truth.
By Neuromancer at 2:43 PM ON 08/05/09
^It's true, nice knowing you though.
Also I think it was pretty reasonable to expect them to support their first game with some DLC before releasing a sequel, considering A) that game was all of about 4 hours long and B) we are living in a brave, new digital world where such things are now possible.
By AngryJonny at 3:22 PM ON 08/05/09
Very glad to hear about a new campaign (especially since I play L4D on PC, so I don't have to pay for it)!
Don't mind the title, but "Crashing will be the easiest thing they do today" really does lack the catchy originality of the first four campaigns' slogans. They're supposed to be cheesy nods to bad movie posters from the '70s and '80s, but the one for Crash Course isn't clever or original. The others made me smile; this one is just bleh.
Still, any chance to play another campaign with those four characters before we meet a new group in L4D2 is fine with me. And I, for one, think an entirely new game instead of added content to the original is fine.
By Altitude at 8:02 PM ON 08/05/09
I prefer playing L4D on my 360. I tried playing it on my friends PC and although it gained rez it definately lost some of it's edge. For some reason the console just feels more, intense.
By haslo at 11:28 AM ON 08/07/09
So you will sign any Valve boycott you find because you don't like that the free stuff that you get for free has a name that you don't like.
That makes a lot of sense.
The XBox thing, you only have Microsoft's "no free stuff" policy to blame for that. And being on a closed platform, of course.
By Olternaut at 2:41 PM ON 08/10/09
@Altitude
Funny, I feel the EXACT opposite is true. It's the PC version that is way more intense with the console version being much less edgy.
The PC will always be the ruler of the FPS.
Olternaut:
@Altitude Funny, I feel the EXACT opposite is true. It's the PC version that is way more intense with the console...More »