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Why I won't be playing Grand Theft Auto IV: Lost and Damned
I can't deny I was excited. I really liked Grand Theft Auto IV, particularly for the excellent setting. And even if the subject matter didn't seem interesting - A biker gang? Really, Rockstar? -- I was glad for an opportunity to get back to Liberty City. So, like many of you, I parked on Xbox Live late Monday night and waited. As soon as the Lost and Damned add-on went live, I forked over my twenty bucks and commenced downloading the gig and a half. And when it was done, I eagerly jumped in.
Within two hours, I had shut down the game in disgust. I have no intention of starting it back up.
After the jump, find out why I won't be playing Lost and Damned.
It's not the combat. Even though I really came to like the combat in Grand Theft Auto IV, I have to wonder at the wisdom of being tossed into a massive gunfight in an open area with only a sawed-off shotgun. I suppose I could call whichever buddy I'm supposed to call to get one of the other guns, but is this really how Rockstar wants to start the action? Me peppered by the pistol fire of twenty other bikers from all angles while I have to get toe-to-toe with my sawed-off shotgun?
It's not my gang shuffling around, either. I understand this is a biker gang, so there's going to be a lot of friendly NPCs running around, as willy nilly as a squad of Fallout 3 companions. My biker buddies all have some sort of battle-hardening gauge that I presume adds an RPG element. But was I supposed to care when one of them was killed and replaced by another random biker?
It's not even the clumsy formation riding. I have no idea what Rockstar wants me to do here. While I listen to the in-transit biker banter, sometimes a giant badge is superimposed on the road. If I drive into the badge I get...what? That's not clear. Money? Reputation? Biker bling? Mad props, yo? The satisfaction of knowing I can drive inside a badge?
It's not the man dates and the biker clubhouse minigames like arm wrestling or hi-lo. Someone named Jim already pestered me to hang out within five minutes of us having been introduced. Not that I remember which one he was. I didn't mind these man dates, or even the chick dates, in Grand Theft Auto IV, because I learned to game them (always accept invites, and then simply call back and cancel).
It's not even being dumped into an opening car chase that requires shooting. Actually, it's not a car chase. I should be so lucky. It's a motorcycle on motorcycle chase, and the enemy motorcycles quickly pull ahead, receding into the distance so I have to shoot my sawed-off shotgun (!) at tiny dots weaving in and out of traffic. As if the shooting-while-driving interface wasn't bad enough already.
(I can't tell you how hard it is to resist the temptation to bring up Saints Row 2 as a model for how many of these things should be done. And the reason I can't tell you how hard it is to resist the temptation is because I have just failed.)
No, none of the above disappointments is the reason I won't be playing Lost and Damned. I can weather those things. I put up with many of them - and far worse - in Grand Theft Auto IV, a game I've played for damn near a hundred hours, most of them content, and some of them downright joyous.
The reason I won't be playing Lost and Damned is because after a couple of hours with these characters, I have no desire to spend another moment with them. These are unlikable thugs doing reprehensible things. Bikers, who are traditionally the bad guys, are presented with all the usual stereotypes that make them bad guys. They're brutal, vulgar, and cowardly. I can't tell one from the other. The one who I think is supposed to be me is as typical a bald space marine as you'll ever see.
There is zero effort to make me care about any of the characters. There is none of the affection that was immediately apparent for Little Jacob, Roman Bellic, or even Brucie. Say what you will about GTA4's inconsistent storyline - and I've said plenty - but at least Niko was an immediately sympathetic and complex character. I suspect Rockstar doesn't care all the way to the bank, but they lost a valuable asset when they wrote off voice-actor Michael Hollick, who created the voice of Niko Bellic.
I'm guessing the lead character in Lost and Damned eventually grows a conscience and splits with the leader of the pack, but I'm not really interested in sticking around for whatever contrived plot point Rockstar will cram into the story to bring about that particular twist. I'm pretty sure it's going to involve a stripper. Heck, maybe Rockstar isn't even going to have a twist. Maybe they're utterly oblivious to how grating and interchangeable these bikers are.
Then there are the typical Rockstar issues with women and homosexuality, now extended to Jews and addicts. The first female character is a stripper. The second and third female characters are a stripper and a skanky hanger-on. There's a balding lawyer who's taunted for being gay and then drugged. The Jewish main character is called a "heeb". There is open contempt for drug rehab and 12-step programs. If any of this is going anywhere, I wouldn't know, because Rockstar officially lost me somewhere around the ninety minute mark.
I'm not asking for choir boys or political correctness. On the contrary, I love a little real world grit with my M-rated games. I love ambiguous characters. But you have to earn it, Rockstar. If you just dump it into my lap at the very beginning of the game and expect me to sit still for it, I'm probably going to stand up and walk away. For something morally reprehensible, thrill me like God of War, fascinate me like Killer 7, or hide it among solid gameplay like Saints Row 2. Or better yet, let me make my own choice and live with the consequences, something you were clearly tempted to do in Grand Theft Auto IV, but couldn't quite manage. Because I'm capable of handling virtual atrocities of my own doing. Just ask the citizens of Megaton. Well, you can't because I vaporized them. But the important difference is that I did it myself. Bethesda didn't do it for me and then expect me to watch and cheer.
What's more, I'd like to remind Rockstar that with great commercial success comes great responsibility. It would be nice to see a modicum of social conscientiousness in what is arguably the face of videogaming presented to the world at large. So I end with this short note:
Dear World at Large,Please don't judge us by the clumsily offensive middle finger waved around indiscriminately by the guys at Rockstar.
Love,
Tom Chick
By vbrn at 4:23 AM ON 02/18/09
A pretty good and sincere read. But please fix the typos and misspellings. "Is supposed to me"? "Grow a conscious"?
By Tom Chick at 4:43 AM ON 02/18/09
Superthanks, vbrn! I appreciate it when you guys point out typos like that so I can fix them. You make me look better than I am. :)
By iMiles at 6:41 AM ON 02/18/09
Very well said.
The whole fake "uproar" over the decision to include a naked congressmen kind of made me suspect that's where this was heading. Just seems as though Rockstar is trying to push things too far like a naughty toddler testing the boundaries. It wasn't so much the inclusion of the congressman scene - far from it - but the fact that they released a video of it and clearly did so for a bit of attention.
Annoying.
By Bahimiron at 9:27 AM ON 02/18/09
Tom, you are totally wrong. The best reason to quit playing GTAIV:The LAD after two hours of playing would be the fact that the main character's on-foot controls are still about as accurate and enjoyable as some kind of hardcore tractor driving sim.
By SuperHiro at 10:36 AM ON 02/18/09
My 360 RROD-ed before I could beat the final mission of GTAIV, so I'm replaying it now (trying for the "Liberty City Minute" achievement). First off, the game is TONS more fun on the replay (esspecially since it's been nearly 6 months since I last played GTAIV). Three Leaf Clover, which took 6+ tries the first time, only took two, and THAT was because the cops shot out my tires on the first try so I couldn't get away.
What's interesting to me on the replay is that now I see all these little hints about Johnny and the Lost. It's pretty neat. I didn't even know Johnny was in the Museum mission.
An annoying thing about GTAIV was that Niko was set up as a sympathetic character, but then you used that same character to hire/kill prostitutes, run over hot dog vendors, and basically be a sociopath. It'll be refreshing to play someone who's just a big ol' jerk from the start.
By mike at 11:00 AM ON 02/18/09
Dear Tom,
Please get a clue. You cant understand why they would give u a sawed off shotgun???? cause its super powerfull and awesome. I played thru 20% of the story before i died even once. Hell in the mission u mention where u are chasing other bikers with said sawed of double barrel shotgun i was blasting those guys off the bike from at least 30 feet away. so it works rather nicely. infact i took out 5 guys with 3-4 blatsts. it has a very wide spread and high damage area.
What do you get when you ride on the glowing badge when in formation? well the big block of words that popup on screen in your face are very clear to read. you get health and your bike gets repaired....its written in english tom. My only complaint with that is the bikers are slow when in formation and i want to speed ahead. later on when u play more they get out of formation and will all race to the next location, which makes it more exciting than just follow me type deal. But i guess you are too impatient to last that long arent you tom. Im sick of reading articles where the only thing keeping you from enjpying the experience is your own lack of ambition or attention span to do so. The more you play this the more int will develop. you have some run ins with niko. you find out that The biker you killed in a mission as niko was a good friend and member of the lost gang and you want to go kill that damn "slov" lol as they call niko but then things happen and i dont want to ruin it with spoliers but its cool.
Oh and did i mention the grenade laucher it is fun too.
But the changes in motorcycle handling make it worth it to me, adds so much more to the game.
By soviet_cyanide at 11:04 AM ON 02/18/09
The only thing that gripped me throughout GTAIV and dragged me, kicking and screaming, through the archaic controls and terrible combat mechanics were the characters and story. To hear that Rockstar has forgone their strongest asset, narrative, in favour of concentrating on the weakest parts of GTA IV, motorcycle riding and combat, is a real shame. It's seems almost as if they didn't bother with their writers and simply got the programmers to come up with something during their lunch break.
By MSUSteve at 11:05 AM ON 02/18/09
I had no intention of buying the GTA IV expansion. After playing through 20+ hours of SR2, I simply can't go back to the absurd clunkery that is GTA IV. Unless you want to take a long cab ride to appreciate the scenery, there is nothing about GTA IV that SR2 didn't do better. Setting that aside, it's good to see Tom take Rockstar to task for its sophomoric approach game characters and story. At least SR2 ratchets its insanity up to 11 and doesn't take itself seriously at all. GTA IV seems to take itself deadly serious and yet, is total crap when it comes to consistency. Setting all THAT aside, I still wouldn't consider the expansion because I couldn't get past all the terrible control issues that Tom has managed to fight through in his 100 hours of play.
By BDGE at 11:17 AM ON 02/18/09
Cmon Tom! Join the BRUH-THER-HOOD!
I've put in about the same amount of time and pretty much came away feeling entirely the opposite about the gang. Yes, the president guy is a total racist asshat, and outside of the playable antagonist, everyone else is interchangeable and sheepish(the RPG stuff is a bit confusing given the seemingly endless supply of clones that apparently rejoin).
I love the crudish and hateful behavior. I can only sense my 'heeb' protagonist eventually manning up to his hinted conscious and causing a riftwar in the Lost. It's Rockstar doing what it always has. Taking the worst of society and parodying it to its most extreme, and I am once again reminded why I fell in love with GTAIV almost a year ago.
Also, it was a bit of a stress relief after spending the early hours in the evening once again trying to tackle that GOD-AWFUL final NOD campaign mission in C&C3. Now that is reprehensible design!
By KITTFan at 12:10 PM ON 02/18/09
Brother Tom,
Lost MC is 4 Life; you can't turn your back on your Lost Brothers, and hope to get away with it!
You aren't safe anywhere in the LC; we'll find you, and make you regret leaving the The Lost!
The Almighty Forgives, but we don't!
LOST 4 LIFE!!!
By Greg at 12:34 PM ON 02/18/09
"...let me make my own choice and live with the consequences, something you were clearly tempted to do in Grand Theft Auto IV, but couldn't quite manage."
First, thanks for saving me some money, and now I'm going to have to break down and pick up Saints Row 2 (be sure to ask them for your cut).
I like your description of GTA4, which can also apply to many other games. I just couldn't stand being forced to date some chick who was obviously a cop or something. GTA4 seemed to soften considerably from the GTA3 series. I think maybe this was due to the "moral" outrage generated by GTA3.
Most people seem uncomfortable when given choice, preferring being told what is good and bad. Morality itself is nothing more than how one person or group thinks everyone else should act. It seldom applies pragmatically to any given individual.
When story defines good and bad it becomes dogma. It's potentially exclusive and will either repel people or attract zealots. Effective story exposes aspects of the world and develops tension between these aspects and the audience. This is the depth that was lacking in GTA4.
(And what is with not being able to kill any kids in Fallout 3? Am I to suppose those two kids in Megaton survived the explosion? And Bethesda is just a guilty as Rockstar by way of introducing their Karma system rather than relying completely on faction standings, but it does stay true to the original. Even though, Fallout 3 is the best game since Oblivion despite its bugs, but I'm one of those gamers who would explore the wonders of the void in Daggerfall.)
By geminibros at 2:23 PM ON 02/18/09
I can respect your complaints Tom, but I think you're missing out on some of the bigger picture elements in refusing to go any further. Once the story is completed (don't worry folks, no spoilers here), there's a very valid argument to be made for the add-on narrative's existence. Something far more tangible than ammoral play for the sake of it.
By malkav11 at 6:38 PM ON 02/18/09
Karma was a key game element of the previous Fallouts and I don't blame Bethesda at all for importing it. What I -do- blame them for is doing a halfassed job of it. Fallout 1 and 2 had specific karma titles (which stacked) with gameplay effects for doing particularly reprehensible and/or benevolent things. Being a child killer, for example, got a LOT of NPCs mad at you.
By me at 9:53 AM ON 02/19/09
look if you would rather play some nerd game where you kill alience or talk to fairys and slay unrealistic monsters go ahead .. but thats your own personal thought on the game .. you said you play 2 hours and quit? .. how long did you take typing this? .. look everyone likes different types of games ... for me i love this game way more than any game iv tryed yet ... dont cry because they are "vulgar" or racist because thats what real life is about .. this game has a really cool aspect that puts you in the shoes of some of these people ... if you want a pussy charicter thats your choice but i myself prefer this kind of game over any ... by far the best gta mad so far in my opinion .. i really think you should bare with it and complete the game .. and if you dont like it so what just play a different game ... you cant control real life and other people .. you can only control yourself and this game shows that .. and by the way your NOT jonny so you cant choose what to do .. its like watching a movie only you get to do the killing and driving .. leave it at that.
By me at 9:58 AM ON 02/19/09
me alience was supposed to be aliens .. lol im not a good typer or speller
By 3vol at 11:08 AM ON 02/19/09
You really demonstrate that you didn't know what was going on in a number of areas. It seems like you played the game for 5 minutes before writing this, though I know that isn't the case.
By lickalotapus420 at 11:15 AM ON 02/19/09
You gotta be kidding me with that review!
Teamxbox gave this a 9.7/10...and says this download content is as close to a sequel you can get without actually buying a new disc.
I've lost all respect for vid game reviews here at SciFi.com...I think you need to hire a new vid game reviewer cause this person doesn't know anything about vid games.
By Shon at 1:38 PM ON 02/19/09
The comment rage is starting to get pretty hilarious.
I incidentally quit playing GTA 2 for much of the same reasons. I might be one of the few people on earth that enjoyed playing Manhunt but the casual criminal scum in the GTA games struck me as pointless. It also really amuses me that the controls haven't evolved at all.
By Sticky at 2:18 PM ON 02/19/09
i love rants. Good read. i am glad i picked up Left 4 Dead then this weekend during the $25 sale. Plus the extra content is free. I was feeling kind of left out that I never owned GTA IV. It is good toknow that Rockstar is part of the problem, not the solution.
By Veyne at 6:22 PM ON 02/19/09
The onfoot controls are as accurate and enjoyable as a hardcore tractor sim? You, my friend, must never have played Resident Evil 1-3 - three highly celebrated games which one feels like they are maneuvering an 18-wheeler through a precision driving course.
By mike at 4:18 PM ON 02/20/09
Complaing about on foot controls in GTA realy shows you are missing the point of Grand Theft AUTO not Grand Theft Footwear.
playing the game for such a short time shows you have no understanding of how video games work. there is an introductory period to any game even add ons like this. they are introducing u to new characters new story and plotlines. so playing for 2 hours and giving up is just an excuse to not write a complete review. in fact why even bother at all tom, readers deserve more than this. if i wanted to hear how much something sucked from someone that didnt put in the time i would go talk to 12 year olds with no attention span.good people at fidgit can you please replace this douche with a real gamer not just some guy that does most of his gaming on a Wii?
By fanboyssuckass at 3:27 PM ON 02/21/09
You little babies are all pissed off! This is sweet. One person does not like you game and you cry like little girls. It is so awesome that you all buy into the Rockstar bullshit that they sell you. They are a crappy game company that does nto care about the consumer. Just their pockets. GTA has been the same crappy game since 3; with the same "shock value" as the last. Hot coffee anyone?
By rawkstarz at 7:26 AM ON 02/23/09
I think Lost and Teh Damned is a pretty cool guy, eh rides motorcycles and doesn't afraid of anything.
By captnzro at 9:06 PM ON 02/26/09
when have the GTA games ever had a plot other than run, gun, steal and kill? And dork, when have the GTA games ever had characters that were not pathetic lame stereotypes? And when have the GTA games ever had a flawless control system? And when and why did these morons hire you to write about games? it seems to me that if you are making a dime you are way over paid. Have you ever heard of rockstar games and what they do? I mean you pretend you have in the beginning of this pathetic critique but half way through you make it clear that you have no clue of whats been going on in the GTA franchise since its inception. Thanks for wasting my time douche.
By pm at 1:26 PM ON 02/27/09
dude, play the game all the way through before you review it, FFS. i started playing TLAD equally disappointed, but having actually played it for a while, it really grew on me. the characters got better and i started to like Johnny. the tension between Johnny and Billy grew and was well executed, and the twists and hooks into the GTAIV main story were equally well done. Johnny is just about as believable a character as Nicko was, and you do see a lot more than just the 'thug' side over time.
And btw, the shield thing while riding in formation, is explained in the game. Not sure how you missed it.
By Andros0 at 2:30 PM ON 02/28/09
By lickalotapus420... "I've lost all respect for vid game reviews here at SciFi.com...I think you need to hire a new vid game reviewer cause this person doesn't know anything about vid games."
Seriously? No really, seriously?
Did you try clicking the link at the top left of this (and any other) page on Fidgit where it shows “what is Fidgit?”?
"Tom Chick has been writing professionally about the videogaming industry for over fifteen years. He has contributed to Wired, Variety, Yahoo, IGN, Gamespot, Gamespy, 1up, Computer Games Magazine, and Computer Gaming World, as well as numerous other sites and publications, including textbooks and anthologies."
Mr. Chick doesn't need me or anyone to defend him or his credentials but a simple Google or Wiki search would have been called for in advance of any kind of blanket statement such as you made.
Disagreeing with someones’ opinion is one thing, but blindly questioning their qualifications is just ignorant and rude.
Andros0:
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