I just played the same race nine times in a row before I beat it. Nine times.

After the jump, read about how I loved every second of it.

This is a race against the witch's cat. The cat's name is Piddles. Ha ha. That's so cute. Whatever. Shut up, Banjo-Kazooie. Just stop talking and let me play you.

I lose the first attempt using my motorcycle, which is too squirrelly on the hilly section. I lose the second attempt using the default race car design, which isn't quite fast enough. So for the third attempt, I upgrade the race car with an extra engine, but the witch's cat zaps me with some sort of freeze ray. That's dirty pool. Since when do cats know how to use freeze rays?

For the fourth attempt, I keep catching the front of my car on the walls when the course goes into the volcano and winds around in a tight circle. I notice, however, that the witch's cat isn't following the road signs, so I learn a couple of shortcuts. For the fifth attempt, I shorten the wheel base to make it easier to steer through the volcano, but I'm foiled at the finish line by a robot pill bug. For the sixth attempt, I'm foiled at the finish line by a robot pill bug. For the seventh attempt, I'm foiled at the finish line by a robot pill bug.

The stupid robot pill bug is situated on a narrow pier that leads to the finish line. He's always waiting there for me. He just rolls right up and gets in my way long enough for the witch's cat to make up whatever lead I had. It seems like I'm not going to be able to just steer around the robot pill bug. The little jerk. That cat probably put him there on purpose.

So for my eighth attempt, I attach a punching fist to the front of my car to give that robot pill bug the what-for. I also attach an additional engine just to be safe. However, because of the third engine, I run out of fuel at the last moment. Just as I'm about to cut off the witch's cat at the finish line, my car sputters to a halt with the fuel needle on empty.

For my ninth attempt, I attach an additional fuel tank to the car. Then I drive. It is one of the most gratifying slow-speed races I've ever won in a videogame, because I it has required a combination of smarts, physics, skill, familiarity with the course, and persistence. Because the race tied beautifully into the vehicle design, I learned something almost every time I lost.

This must be what it's like for guys who adjust their camber, and jam their toe, and lift their downforce to shave a tenth of a second off a lap at the Nibelungenring. Here I am experiencing it with a cartoon bear at the wheel.

Monday: slipping some surly bonds