A little hobbit burglar has sent me a tell while I'm ripping the tongues from brimstone leeches. He says we have a lot in common. At first, I think he's hitting on me (I am, after all, a hot elf chick), but then I realize he's just talking about our quests. The little guy climbs onto his pony and tears off into the scrub forest of Maethad. He says to follow him. I follow him, even though you don't normally put a hobbit on point.

Acting like you know what you're doing will take you a long way. But will it take you through the troll-guarded pass pictured above?

Find out after the jump.

We come to a narrow pass blocked by three trolls. He seems to think we're going to fight our way through them. He seems to think the gems we need for our quest are on the other side of the trolls. He seems to think we're in the right place. I'm doubtful about this, but he's full of plans about me using Song of Distraction on one while he stuns another and then we do a Fellowship Maneuver on the third to poison it with the giant spiders that show up when everyone selects the yellow token. You gotta admire his pluck. Besides, I'll get to finally avail myself of the +4 vs. trolls I get from my stupid caveman club.

After we've died, he insists we just need to coordinate our plans better. We go riding back towards the victorious trolls, who are probably high-fiving each other. Along the way, the little hobbit pulls up next to an elven champion picking off wargs. She's about five levels too low for this part of Angmar. The little hobbit isn't deterred. He invites her into our group, but she doesn’t say anything when I greet her. She also doesn't respond when the little hobbit details our plans. Chinese gold farmer.

I normally play late at night, California time. This means the servers are full of Chinese gold farmers and Australians. I love the Australians. Australians are enthusiastic and friendly. They tend to be talkative over the in-game voice chat, which I don't mind when they're Australian. It's realistic hearing their accents come through the speakers because – as anyone who's seen the movies can tell you – Lord of the Rings takes place in the New Zealand part of Australia. But as soon as some dude from Alabama pipes up, the illusion is ruined.

But guys from Alabama are still better than Chinese gold farmers and their pidgin English. Our elven champion has uttered a few barely intelligible sentence fragments, but she does is using /say, so her words appear in the air over her head instead of in the fellowship chat channel. The little hobbit is undaunted. He's detailing his latest plan for getting past the trolls, which sounds an awful lot like the last plan. Like I said, you gotta admire his pluck.

My song fails, the little hobbit stun does nothing, and now we're surrounded by three trolls beating on us with all the enthusiasm of the LAPD. But at least the Fellowship maneuver goes off. Me and the hobbit select the yellow token. Everything freezes. Silence. If you've played much LOTRO, you know this moment well. The Fellowship Maneuver is hanging in the air. You're holding your breath. You've done your part. If something goes wrong, it's not going to be your fault. And you can see from the translucent icons over everyone's head who the idiot is who hasn't pressed his button. Time stands still while our Chinese gold farmer does nothing. There is no icon over her head. She looks a little left and right, as if she's not sure why her attacks aren't popping off.

The moment is over and I immediately implement plan B: I run for my life, leaving the little Australian hobbit and the Chinese gold farmer elf champion to cover my retreat. After all, I'm the healer. That's one of the advantages of being the healer: you're the one guy who's supposed to run away if things go badly. I'm sure little hobbit would understand.

I meet up with them later at the rally circle and apologetically explain that I need to log off, but that I wish them the best of luck. They ride back into Maethad, healer-less. You gotta admire their pluck.