Soulcalibur IV is the latest in a 12-year tradition of ridiculous breasts, ridiculous beatdowns, and ridiculous Engrish storylines. As a fighting game, it's not as absurd as DOA, but it's not as revered as Street Fighter. It's not as technical as Tekken, but not as casual as Super Smash Bros. As far as fighting games go, it's the just-right bowl of porridge and here's your fourth helping. So what's new this time around?

Read the review after the jump.

First, I'll tell you what's not new: the juvenile obsession with breasts. The female characters are mostly the product of teenage fantasies about impossible flopping chests you'd never see on an actual female athlete. Do I mind? Only when there are women in the room and I'm trying to pretend videogames aren't toys for stupid boys. Otherwise, heh heh, check out Sophitia and Ivy. Heh heh. Heh. Heh. Watch what happens when she jumps. Heh heh.

Okay, titillation aside -- I don't expect fighting games from Japan have any intention of growing up any time soon -- there's a game under here. It might take a while to appreciate Soulcalibur IV. Yeah, sure, you can jump in and mash buttons and make stuff happen. Just like you could in Soulcalibur III. In fact, that might be your first impression: Oh, look, Soulcalibur III. But with new characters.

You'll run through the story mode a few times for your favorite characters. You'll be disappointed at most of the cinematics detailing each character's story (such as it is). Many of the cinematics seem to have run out of funding, ending with a placeholder title card: "And she lived happily ever after" or "And then he walked the earth". For a laugh, have a look at the utterly useless chart of character relationships. Russian novels, eat your hearts out!

Many of the characters are variations on the same ones you might remember from Soulcaliburs past. The essential fighting doesn't seem to have changed much. The system of blocks and parries is as finicky as ever (i.e. hard to grok for anyone who isn't hip to the split-second timing and the colored flashes).

So you play a few stories, you go up against your friends in the living room, you develop a fondness for particular characters if you didn't already have a preference, and maybe you even go online and get your ass kicked (protip: blame the lag). Yep, it's Soulcalibur, just like it always was. Ho-hum. $60 for a roster update and online play. Ain't that always the way?

But sooner or later you're going to duck into the Tower of Lost Souls. You know you're curious. Here you'll find a series of challenges that start easy and shortly get difficult. But they're not just obstacles. They're encouraging you to use the game's "tools" – mainly its character creator, but also a basic knowledge of the moves – to tackle particular problems. At least I think this is what's going on. I'm on a level that seems impossible. I have to beat four guys using only one character, and he won't heal any damage between bouts. These guys play rough, too. These aren't any red shirt throwaway gimme opponents like you get early on in the story mode.

So my best recourse is to play conservatively. This means finally figuring out how blocking works. In addition, I should try to figure out how special healing abilities work. And to use these healing abilities, I have to level up one of the character "templates" so I can equip my custom character with healing. And here's where Soulcalibur IV gets really insidious: the character creator.

Here you aren't just playing dress up. You're also fitting your characters with special equipment that gives them points in various skills, each allowing for certain types of special abilities (such as healing). What they wear affects their attack power, defensive ability, and how much damage they can sustain. Now Soulcalibur IV is about trying to carefully build a character. This is serious stuff. Seriously deep and seriously addictive. And of course it ties into the system of unlocking and buying new equipment. Now I'm playing Soulcalibur IV to earn gold and experience points. Who can be bothered with an MMO?

I'm still pretty lost most of the time during a typical bout. I'm not going to make any progress online any time soon. But I'm bound and determined to at least reach level 20 in the Tower of Lost Souls, at which point I can go down into the basement for new and different challenges that will require new and differently built characters. Unlike the previous games, Soulcalibur IV gives me an incentive to get better instead of just button mashing my way through. And if that's not worth shelling out $60, I don't know what is.